Your feelings are valid but not reliable.
The world has taken a wild turn toward no emotional response or awareness limitation. No one desires to curtail their emotional impulses, and people act violently, self-righteously, and highly selfishly.
The division and stress cause people to react and think through their primal instincts. This appears intentional; let’s not go down that road in this iteration of conversation.
Throughout history, the civilizations we have built have met a climatic point of about 75 percent efficiency. They are built to fulfill most human needs, desires, and wants.
At that 75 percent efficiency rate, we turn down a more self-destructive path.
We begin to allow our imagination to be blurred with reality. We use sociological, theological, and psychological theories intended to encourage thought and apply them to the reality of life.
We alter the meanings of words to fit these narratives, modifying and hiding/destroying remnants of history to justify our perspectives.
Transitioning from macro to micro, the individual becomes justified in acting out and believing that all thoughts and feelings are 100% valid. To which can not and never will be accurate.
The human brain is dynamic and primitive simultaneously. Our brains are naturally lazy and love comfort. We also have tremendous and vivid imaginations. Additionally, we are tribal.
Seeing how this correspondence can play a part, there is a desire to be correct, not in a self-righteous manner but in a self-preservation way. We might perceive that social norms and constructs are altering from their origin. We feel insecurities and simultaneously a desire to belong. Thus, we sacrifice our ability to grow and have self-awareness for the dictation of others.
The challenge lies in the origin of such shifts in social norms. Being steered by immediate gratification and the connection of those next to us, we tend to ignore the manipulative group or individual orchestrating us into these tribes with these beliefs, thus creating a specific narrative with predictable outcomes.
If this realization happens, we have become too invested in our group. We will usually double down in the face of adversity, not because we believe facts to be illegitimate but because of the rising insecurities of being alone and chastised by the group we are now a member of. Being alone is not just an uncomfortable feeling and/or situation; it is a feeling of terror-related to our evolution. From hunting and gathering, we were only at the top of the food chain because of our collective ability to manage and solve problems. Being alone in the wilderness, the human body is highly vulnerable.
Conversely, aloneness is precisely where one grows and develops a deep-seated self-awareness. A lack of self-reflection creates a dependency on the tribe or group to which one does not belong to give one what one lacks from being alone. For example, a moral compass is created within one’s mind, soul, and heart. If a tribe establishes a specific set of ethical perspectives that give you a feeling that aligns with what you believe to be correct, then you will fall in line and willfully comply.
Notice I said “feeling of alignment.” This is where validity and reliability are misunderstood and read as similar when they are not.
Simply validating something means acknowledging its existence, and that's it! Reliability means that a thing exists and holds more than a physical space; it has a purpose.
i.e., Validating other emotions or statements allows them to feel heard and respected. Simply acknowledging that they have an emotional reaction to a thing has no connection and no depth.
Exploring and developing your values, principles, and convictions is dynamic and complex. For example,” My core values are honesty, compassion, perspicacity, and indefatigability. These are not easy to live up to daily, but I put in my effort and push harder every day.
Your values are supposed to be profoundly personable and just out of reach. They are just out of reach because we are not perfect and must always have something to strive for. Seeing our future as better allows us to concentrate on the NOW!
The NOW is where we see ourselves when we regulate and appreciate the external and inner worlds of which we are a part and have created. We can find peace when we see and accept ourselves for the whole that we are, good, bad, and ugly.
Sharing that peace is a byproduct of creating it for yourself. The altruism that comes from inner peace can then be added to a group to raise others up so they can find their own peace and not become reliant on you or any other member of the group.
When centered, we can understand our emotions as signals that tell us how we interpret the world, given our worldview and perspective. This can lead us to be curious about alternate perceptions and thus pause our impulse to act for the sake of seeing the world through a different spectrum.
Please do not become a slave to your emotions; instead, accept them and rely on your ever-seeking desire for inner peace to approach the world and see what wonders can be made!
Travis Knowlton LCSW
